We all love stories about hard-core programmers. About how someone started with Assembly and now writes drivers for NASA. But let's be honest: if you are a beginner, some languages are like starting to study mathematics with Cantor's set theory. It's technically possible, but why?
Here are 5 languages, which are better to leave for later (or never) if you are just starting your programming journey.
1. Assembly — “Welcome to the matrix... without instructions” 🤯
MOV AX, 0x1234
ADD AX, 0x5678What is it:
The language you use to communicate directly with the processor. Well, almost directly.
Why you shouldn't start:
You will write 50 lines of code to add two numbers
Forget the register — you will get a segfault and an existential crisis in the set
Instead of "Hello World", you will spend a week understanding what a stack and a heap are
Zero abstractions. At all. None.
When to teach: When you are already writing in C/C++ and want to understand what is happening "under the hood". Or you work with embedded systems. Or you're a masochist.
Meme status: "I'm writing in Assembly" = "I'm vegan, I do CrossFit and I use Arch, by the way"
2. Brainfuck — "Trolling language in its purest form" 🧠💥
++++++++++[>+++++++>++++++++++>+++>+<<<<-]>++.>+.+++++++..+++.>++.What is it:
An esoteric language of 8 characters. Created to prove that programming can be even more difficult.
Why you shouldn't start:
Looks like a cat walked on the keyboard
Even a simple code looks like a cipher of ancient aliens
Your friends will think you've hacked the Matrix or just gone crazy
"Hello World" is 106 characters of absolute madness
When to teach: Never. Well, or on a dare. Or if you want to confuse ChatGPT.
Meme status: Chad energy, but in a bad way.
3. C++ — "Boss of all bosses on the first level" ⚔️
std::vector<std::shared_ptr<AbstractFactoryInterface>> factory;What is it:
The most powerful language for writing game engines, browsers, and operating systems.
Why you shouldn't start:
Manual memory management (hello, memory leaks!)
Indicators that point to indicators that point to...
Multiple inheritance, templates, RAII — you don't know what it is yet, but you're already afraid
The compiler gives an error on 300 lines, but the problem is in the missing semicolon
Syntax that looks like a spell of dark magic
When to teach: After Python/JavaScript, when you understand the basics of OOP and want performance.
Meme status: "I wrote Hello World in C++ in 3 days and now I have PTSD"
4. Haskell — “Functional Programming on Steroids” 🧙♂️
quicksort :: Ord a => [a] -> [a]
quicksort [] = []
quicksort (x:xs) = quicksort [y | y <- xs, y < x] ++ [x] ++ quicksort [y | y <- xs, y >= x]What is it:
A purely functional language with lazy calculations and monads.
Why you shouldn't start:
"Monad is just a monoid in the category of endofunctors" — and this is supposedly an explanation for beginners
No loops at all (only recursion, baby!)
Mutability? No, we haven't heard of it
To understand the code, you need to know the theory of categories (spoiler: you don't need to, but it seems so)
The community speaks the language of mathematical philosophers
When to teach: When you master imperative and OOP programming and want to blow your mind (in a good way).
Meme status: A Haskell developer is like a vegan among programmers. He will definitely tell you about it.
5. COBOL — "Hello from 1959" 👴
IDENTIFICATION DIVISION.
PROGRAM-ID. HELLO-WORLD.
PROCEDURE DIVISION.
DISPLAY 'Hello, World!'.
STOP RUN.What is it:
The language for banks and the public sector that your grandparents write (seriously).
Why you shouldn't start:
The syntax is like from another era (because it is)
There are a lot of vacancies, but they are all in banks, where you will be supporting code that is 60 years old
There are fewer training materials than IE memes
The youth in your team are 50-year-old developers
Write code as if you were compiling an accounting report
When to teach: If you were offered a salary with 6 zeros for supporting the legacy system of some megabank, then you have to be patient.
Meme status: "COBOL developer" is like the profession of "lantern maker". It exists, but...
🎯 What should a beginner learn then?
Classic for a start:
Python — simple syntax, a bunch of libraries, in demand everywhere
JavaScript - if you want to make websites and see the result immediately
Java/C# - if you are planning a corporate development
The main rule: start with a language where you can quickly get results and not get lost in the syntax.
💎 By the way, about where to learn programming...
If you are a beginner and want to really learn to program, and not just watch 100500 hours of video on YouTube - here are two life hacks:
📱 "Kodik" application
Here you learn right in the app with practice. No water, no "now I'll open VS Code for 10 minutes." Just the point:
Interactive lessons in Python, JavaScript, HTML/CSS
Practice immediately after theory (not after 5 lessons, but immediately!)
Progress and gamification — learning does not turn into a routine
📢 Community Telegram channel
We have 2000+ developerswhich:
Share useful posts and memes
Discuss current technologies
Help each other understand the code
They post materials that can be repeated at a convenient time
Learn programming in Telegram - it's like flashcards for learning English, only for code. You scroll through the feed, see a post about closures in JS — bam, you've repeated the topic.
👉 In short: theory in the Code, practice in the Code, repetition and community in the cart. Profit!
Remember: there are no bad programming languages (well, almost). There is a wrong time to study them. First learn to think like a programmer, and then suffer with pointers in C++ or monads in Haskell.
In the meantime, good luck with your studies! And remember: every senior once googled "how the for loop works" 😉